Face cream

A bittersweet memory.

It was about a week before my mom passed away when she was in hospital in a room by herself. The doctor was worried she would get an infection as her immunity was very low so they limited visitors. (Although I sneaked a few of her friends in and I would visit every lunchtime and evening.)

Before entering the room all visitors (and nurses) had to put on a disposable apron, surgical gloves and mask. I hated it and so did mom, so as I entered the room, I would lower the mask and give her a huge smile. It felt so weird to not go and give her a kiss, instead I would press my cheek to hers and there was no comfort in holding her hand when I had those gloves on.

I tried so hard to be upbeat and positive when inside I was crying and wanting to run away from the sad reality that I was looking at - my wonderful, wise, amazing, tough mom who looked so frail and who was in such pain. She was also very thin, my previously cuddly mom was refusing any food, no matter how hard I tried to feed her.

So, there was my mom was lying so incredibly ill, unable to speak, yet able to show she was very happy to see me. I asked her if I can get her anything in a process of head shakes and nods I worked out that she would like me to put cream on her face. It seemed her face dried out very quickly along with her lips which often needed balm.

While wearing those stupid surgical gloves, I squirted some luxurious scented cream onto my fingertips and gently rubbed it onto my mom's sunken cheeks and wrinkled forehead. As I did this my mom's body seemed to sigh and relax, she lifted her face up and seemed to purr. I carried on and on rubbing in more cream as I didn't want the time to end.

For a moment I allowed myself to forget where we were and what was happening and just enjoy the connection and the wonderful feeling it was to give someone I love so very much this gift of simple touch.