Missing my mom

It has been just over a year since my mom passed away and I like to play a game in my mind. "If mom was here now"

I think about how sometimes I would have stopped off on the way home from work to have a chat, tea and see her garden or helped her do something. It is the simple mundane things I missed about not having her around and the big huge things - like missing out on seeing her and Jack together or helping me with sorting out relationships in our family.

I feel her so much part of my life, she molded me and directed me. I have tried to surround myself with little reminders of her and it really helps. But damn I just fucking miss her sometimes.

She was so funny, she could get me out of a funk so quickly - even if it was me laughing at her doing her silly dance! And the moment Gareth and her were in the same room it was guaranteed to be a laugh fest.

The silly words she made up - I really wish I know what humdingers she would have had to describe Jack - the two of them I think would have been as thick as thieves with a new language made up between them. I love that Jack knows about Gunny-Mooo-Tea and will bring her up in conversation, point our out in photos and acknowledges her. If only….